I don't exactly have anything in mind for today's blog entry as im typing now.. just letting my thoughts flow as my fingers run across this keyboard... free association, psychoanalysts would call this : )

sigh. even though i've been feeling quite upbeat about school, friends, and life in general, there's this dampening spirit in me today. it's as though im talking to many ppl, meeting friends, yet somehow that feeling of closeness is not really there. it's kind of like covering width, but not much depth.

Deepavali and Hari Raya just passed didn't they? For the last 2 years i havent felt the atmostphere of these festives at all. Am so cut off from the world news too. no tv, no newspapers sent to the door step. No habit of reading news online even though it's easily available. My university life is surrounded with psych-related stuff, day-to-day issues and friends. And they actually take up most of my time. But is there more that i can do?

Im trying to feel and soak up as much of the remaining 1 year as an undergrad now, before moving on. Where I go next year is still an unknown. But the sure thing is that most, if not all of the people that im close to will be going off in different directions. Life WILL be very different come next september. It's pretty exciting, but scary too!

Anyways. I'll b gg down to London this weekend! Am looking forward to it.. a weekend of musical, Sing Nite, meeting up with friends. Shall post photos up!

Take care and i'll try to fix the faulty tagboard soon.

There's a certain charm and romantic feel about cafes that i can't find anywhere else. For the second consecutive monday, I've sat on my own at a university cafe, sipping coffee/tea and getting some readings done before lecture.

Then suddenly, my concentration would be disrupted by the start of a familiar song.

"My love, There's only you in my life, The only thing that's right.
My first love, You're every breath that I take, You're every step I make
......
You mean the world to me, I know I've found in you, My endless love"

:) Lyrics to Endless Love. I couldnt help but just sing along with it. This is one song that my sisters and i crooned to when we were younger. those days when MTV was hip and my uncle provided endless supplies of english pop songs cds every saturday. Haha. Sweet days.. even if the lyrics didnt mean anything to me.

Music just has a way to a person's heart. Well.. after taking lectures in Human Social Interaction: Perspectives from Neuroscience, I'm now more convinced that by "heart" we often actually mean "mind". All tt emotions: fear, anger, disgust, nostalgia, sadness, they're all associated with the activation of particular brain areas. It must have been some invisible lighting up of some intricate parts of my brain that aroused those feelings in me.

Cafes are great places to be in, to relax, wind down, unconsciously listen to the random conversations of strangers, reflect and spend some time alone/with friends.

Life has been good :)

If

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

- Rudyard Kipling

Be strong, my mind.
Be gentle, my heart.

Taking one step at a time,
Not rushed, lest I become so confused.
Walk slowly, see clearly
Find answers to the most difficult questions in life
No hurry, take pauses, respites, whenever I need to.
Stop and listen to the sounds around me,
Listen to my feelings, thoughts,
Find peace in my innermost.
Be on good terms with everyone as far as possible.
Be myself.
Be independent.
Do what I gotta do.
Focus.

My fingers are numbed from the cold.. i can't really type properly, as if my fingers are lightly tapping on the keyboard, and my spelling is becoming atrocious, although u can't see it from here.

Finally, photos. photos of my house No. 26 :) Dont ask me why there's a msian flag. my room is the one immediately above, and im gonna put up a spore flag soon heeheee....

School officially started today. Had 6 hours of lectures, longest day ever since i started uni! But they were pretty ok.. saw many familiar faces, was nice to see everyone back again.

Having lived in my new house for 2 weeks plus, im happy to be living here! House is so near school, i can almost see it from the window. House is big and spacious, a bit run down and old, but im very comfortable sleeping in my room every night, which is one of the most important things i think! Housemates wise, i've no complains :)

I want to stop defending my actions. I read in the latest issue of the Psychologist that we very seldom know ourselves well. When two friends observe sth about me, i shouldn't deny, but actually sit down and think through what they say.. is it really true? Am I really like that? And more likely than not, they should be right.

When i have nothing to say, i should just keep quiet and stop uttering gibberish.

To say i miss home, miss all of u, is a bit too early. A few months more, then i'll start :)

Just wanna say take care, and that I have all of you in my thoughts. For those who are fatigued, tired out and drained from the drudgery of school, or feel sucky from the actions of others which don't please u, those stressed out from mid-term tests, those unmotivated as yet, those heart-broken, continue pushing yourselves and trudge on.. keep hopeful and see the brighter side of things.. think of future goals, good memories, and happy thoughts :) I've been through it all, and im just okay again:) All will be fine.

Oh, and my article got published in the inaugural issue of Malaysian Singapore Soc here in Notts! It's a pleasure to see my own words printed on a magazine :) Exciting. One of my little dreams has been fulfilled.