Little Miss Sunshine

Also known as Little Miss Tiny, Miss Sunshine likes very much to make people around her happy and smiley. She used to frown a lot though.. perhaps still so, but as the years go by, smiles have earned their priority over frowns. :) She currently resides in Nottingham, in a little town called Beeston. But home is forever where her family and closest friends are, in the little island called Singapore!

Friday, March 30, 2007

I miss home. Haven't seen the faces nor heard the voices of family and friends for such a long time, sigh.

If I could just fly back for a week!

Im sitting in front of the computer researching for my final year project. this is the final stage already. after this, I don't actually want to know about the debate between affect and cognition for a long, long time! I'm tired, to be honest. But I'm still so grateful for having such a wonderful, tireless teacher.

Where has all my energy gone..?

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Insanity sometimes is the sane response to a mad society; insanity need not always be a breakdown; it can also be a breakthrough! --Ronald David Laing

Today after attending the weekly seminar held in Psychology where guest speakers are invited to speak about their research interests, I came out feeling refreshed and hopeful. Schizophrenia, characterized by delusions, hallucinations and signs of "madness" is not merely a biological illness. Some people may be more susceptible than others due to genetics (although no specific gene has been found to 'cause' schizophrenia), but genetics alone definitely cannot account for why people become "mad". One study showed very clearly that high risk individuals (I think they are those with family history of schizophrenia), when put in positive familial environments, are not anymore likely than low risk individuals to become schizophrenics. Only when high risk individuals coupled with adverse circumstances, will their likelihood shoot up.

This shows that there IS hope. When a person goes "mad", all is not lost. There are many things that are within the family/friends' control, things that they can do to help the individual recover. In my opinion, support and love are the most important. The individual needs to feel that they have something to fall back upon, that they are not alone in this.

Psychosis is a term used to describe people who have "lost touch with reality". They lose their personality, their normal social functioning, they experience hallucinations, delusional thoughts, and hear voices. It's very similar to schizo. Don't really know the distinction between these two mental illnesses. But there has been many clinical psychologists who are at the forefront of research, who experienced psychosis themselves, in the past. One of them, in a very serious state of psychosis, threw himself under a London Bus; he survived. He now is well, and recently wrote a book about the illness, and urges people to rethink the medical model (which uses medicine to try to treat symptoms). There are so many other factors such as cognition, societal and psychological that play an important role in the development of psychosis.

I felt refreshed and hopeful because I realized that there is so much to be done! So much CAN be done to help people with mental illnesses. There really is a very thin line between sanity and insanity, being normal and being depressed. Life events or circumstances that trigger vulnerability in an individual can tip the state of "normal" into something classified as a mental illness very quickly. Surely, there shouldn't need be any kind of stigmatization attached to these vulnerable people, for who can tell whether oneself wouldn't have the same reaction if one stands in the shoes of those who are vulnerable? And medicine really is the last resort. It doesnt cure, it perhaps relieves symptoms temporarily. Having spoken to people who have gone through more than me, I know that medicine is something that is shunned and avoided.

Yup. Just some thoughts.. it's all a bit incoherent, but hope it enlightens some of u who are reading this post, especially if there are deep-rooted stereotypes of mental patients in your minds, which may not be very helpful.

These days, I feel.. Different. I feel like I'm becoming a new person.

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

Before I fell asleep last night, it occurred to me that I have lost some of my child ideals and characteristics. I used to have a very strong faith that everyone of us is born to our family for a reason, that God put us IN THERE. And I would always thank God for all that He has given me. As i grew older, I think there are too many outside influences that made me forget about these core beliefs or watered them down. I don't mean that I no longer think that way, I mean that I forgot that I thought that way.

Also, I had a better grasp of single-minded focus. The "Zone" as sports psychologists and sportsmen have come to recognise, when their minds are so clear, so optimistic, and they have precise decision-making skills. I vaguely recall times when I worked through mathematical proofs in school, when I also felt that I was somewhere in the "Zone".. when every step brought me closer to equating the LHS of the equation to the RHS, and i just knew that this was going to be a good one. i think at those times the alpha rhythm in my brain were at their peak! I want to get them back! :)

I want to return to the basics, to the untainted, uninfluenced mental states.

Saturday, March 03, 2007

An imminent cold. I've sneezed at least 10 times today. Holding a cup of warm lemon panadol drink near me.. hoping by tomorrow i'll miraculously get better!

Tonight I went with a group of Solid Rockers to the Nottingham Youth Orchestra concert, playing familiar tunes from LOTR, Titantic, James Bond etc. It was really fun and enjoyable! Colours of the Wind brought back the memories of Dunman High's Kaleidoscope 2000, when the choir did a medly from Pochahontas. DHSChoristers.. remember He-ga He-ga Yakua-Hega?? =p
And i think My heart will go on is such a beautiful song! it's the kind of love song that will last! So smooth, so romantic, so touching.

The night didn't end here. Our denmark friend read on the Danish newspaper that there was gonna be a moon eclipse tonight, and lo and behold! The full moon from early evening had reduced to a crescent when we next looked at it! We drove to the Uni Lakeside to watch it turn dark then reddish... wahhh that WAS an unforgettable experience! The sky was so clear, could see SO many stars.. all these while the background music played operatic tunes. Haha :) Thank God for these friends, for these memories!

I know i'll be very sad to leave this place, but right now, I just hope that next year brings a brand new experience, a starkly different one, and that i'll be strong and adaptable enough to enjoy most parts of it.

This week's been quite a hectic, tiring but fulfilling one. Had my emotions go up and down, moods swung high and low. At one point, I got so fedup i felt like screaming out loud! have never felt like that for a long time. made me think about Castastrophe Theory, and how a provocation can be the "straw that broke the camel's back". But i'm fine now.

A reminder for meself: Put on your critical hat, ZJ! Challenge the status quo!